Perfect, Broken Model
by Stumbleine89
Summary: At 18, Stacey has become a supermodel for Victoria's Secret and to everyone, her life is perfect. But in her Autobiography she shares some secrets to the world about why she's so damaged on the inside and the boy who permanantly broke her heart.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Baby Sitters Club.**

_A/N: I have purposely used lower case and short hand in the messenger bits. _

_Also, please review, like tell me if you hate it or love it or how I can change it to make it better, also I love getting ideas from my readers so that would be nice also!_

At the ripe age of fourteen, the summer after eighth grade, I fell madly in love. And not just luv, or lust, but true love, the kind of love that you read about in books or possibly a Shakespearian play and never ever forget. It was around the time that the boys at school started to call me a slut. I wasn't one, but it was the way they reasoned things. I no longer wanted to date guys at my school, and when a beautiful girl is single, males will always think that there is something wrong with her. I think this is why I fell so hard for Sean. He didn't try to pigeon hole me. He was in the same year as me, but at Stoneybrook Community High, which is kind of a rough school but he was polite and spoke properly, unlike so many other people at his school. SCH was renowned for its drugs and promiscuous girls, but he wasn't into all that. He was into me.

We first met through one of Mom's friend's sons, Chris. He and Sean were best friends, Chris had once gone to SCH but him and his older sister, Katie was moved to SDS. Chris and I were good friends, mainly because we had one thing in common: Claudia. He absolutely idolised her, she was everything he had ever wanted in a girl, but she barely even noticed him. All she saw was the short and puppy fat exterior, not the great person that I had come to know and love. So I would listen to him as he bitched about her and how badly she treated him, while he would listen to my own problems with Claudia.

A little while before this, Claudia and I let the unthinkable happen; we let a boy get between us. The problem was, Claudia felt that I had stolen him from her. I went out with him, but after a while we realised it wasn't going to work and he ended up with Claudia anyway, but ever since then, we weren't as close. Not even near. I think it's because neither of us trusted each other back then. Never the less, we hung out with each other, mostly at my house, because we were the only ones in our group with the same sort of interests. Those mainly being boys.

Claudia was to meet Sean before me, Chris had invited her to swim in his pool one hot summer day and Sean was over. The minute Claudia met Sean, she became very shy, not the normal exhibitionist who wears dots with stripes or patterns with floral. In fact, she even had to borrow one of Katie's shirts to wear over the top of her bikini. Claudia never told me about Sean. I don't blame her. He was gorgeous. Dark, shaggy hair and naturally darkly tanned skin with stunning green eyes. His body was strong and muscled and his face was not unlike the Ralph Lauren Polo model. I wouldn't have told anyone either, especially since she felt that they had a connection. Of course, she only told me this afterwards. After everything went down.

I still remember the exact day that I met him. I was sitting at a bus stop, waiting for Chris to turn up, we were off to see a movie, when Sean came and sat next to me. He smiled at me, revealing perfect white teeth, and I smiled back.

He was the first to speak.

"Hello." He said, in a deep voice, reminiscent to a sex god.

"Hey." I replied shyly.

We sat like that for a few more minutes in a lingering silence before I gathered the nerve to say, "Do I know you?"

He laughed, "Nope."

I frowned thoughtfully, "Do you know me?"

He smiled shyly, "Kind of."

I nodded, "Oh."

That's when Chris appeared. He later told me that he had shown Sean a photo of me and he was apparently desperate to meet me, so Chris had brought him along and let him go introduce Sean introduce himself to me. I don't think it was a set up kind of thing, more about Chris teasing me because I was blonde, a not uncommon topic of conversation for him.

Sean was amazingly shy to begin with, considering how attractive he was. I always wondered how he had gathered the courage to come sit with me that day. The three of us headed off to the movies where Chris told Sean how Claudia and I were best friends. It was funny how we had begun calling each other best friends again. We really did like each others company, and had missed each other terribly when we were fighting, but we didn't have the same relationship. I think it was the comfort of being able to say we _had_ a best friend.

You see, the funny thing was I, Stacey McGill, have never been the shy type, when I like someone, I'm not coy about it, I'm open, I let them know. Hell, I even let my maths teacher know when I liked him. It's safe to say, it didn't work it though. With Sean it was different; I felt that kind of comfort you can only feel with someone you've known for a very long time. I didn't have to be the flirtatious Stacey. Sure we flirted a lot, but not with that promiscuous, sexual innuendo. That's not to say it wasn't there. Every time I touched him, it felt like my whole body was on fire.

Chris paid for my movie ticket, which was kind of a tradition of ours, so I never actually had to bring money when I knew we were going to the cinema. Chris asked if I wanted popcorn and went of to pay for that, after I had reminded him that I couldn't have butter on it, which left Sean and I alone together.

"My girlfriend doesn't get butter either, she's on one of those diet things." He told me.

My heart sank. Girlfriend. I don't know why I assumed he would be single.

"Oh, I…" I stumbled over my words, trying to think of something to say.

He looked questioningly at me.

"I'm diabetic." I'm not sure why I told him. I think it could be because even though he was seeing someone, I still wanted to spend time with him.

"Really? So is my Dad." He told me. I was stunned; most people make a big fuss over my diabetes and treat me differently, but he already knew all about it. I was convinced then and there, girlfriend or not, we were made for each other.

Finally Chris returned and we searched for our seats. We didn't talk for the whole movie, even though I was sitting between the two of them, though Sean did let me hide my face in his shoulder when this girl in the movie started to barf. I hate seeing people throw up, it makes me feel like I'm going too myself.

Once the movie was over, Chris's Mom picked us up. Unfortunately they dropped me off first. I was worried that maybe I wouldn't see Sean again. Though that night, all my fears were put aside when I turned on my computer to check my email. And instant message popped up.

**seano says:**

hello blondie

I almost shivered with excitement. I didn't reply for another minute, not wanting him to think I was too eager, even though there were only a couple of other people online that I was talking to.

**stace says:**

oh hey sean

I mentally abused myself over that for a while, believing that I could have said something cooler, until I realised, what else do you say as a greeting?

**seano says:**

it was great meeting u 2day

**stace says:**

yer u 2

**seano says:**

it's so funny i hardly even no anything about you

**stace says:**

well all u hav 2 do is ask

**seano says:**

do u hav a bf

I paused before typing. Should I say yes or no? I decided on no, because if I said yes, Chris might tell him that I didn't really and then Sean would think I was desperate or something like that.

**stace says:**

nah not at the moment

**seano says:**

that really surprises me

**stace says: **

how cum

**seano says:**

cuz ur really pretty

I couldn't believe he'd said that. Guys didn't usually say pretty, they said 'hot' or 'sexy'. Pretty was different.

**stace says:**

aww thanks, but nah im not really

**seano says:**

hah! watever ur gorjus!

**stace says:**

ok then, i g2g, moms just made dinner

**seano says:**

ok, ill catchya later

**stace says:**

bibi

I switched off the computer lent back in my chair and almost laughed out loud. So what if he had a girlfriend, we could still be friends, he was fun to talk to and he thought I was pretty! Besides, he couldn't be with her forever.

_A/N: Don't worry! This isn't going to be just about Stacey's love life, though that's the main theme, but it's going to get better each chapter. I hope…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Back in the present **

There are three stages in love:

Stage one. You fall in love and feel the happiest you ever have in your whole life.

Stage two. After it ends you try to cling to that feeling, hoping that you can survive on that until the next person comes along.

Stage three. The next person never comes along and you feel as though you will never fall in love again.

During stage three you feel like you can never love anything again and you go from loving that person, to hating them and wishing that he would develop syphilis and get gangrene on his penis.

Well, that's how I felt anyway. I'm not over him, I doubt I ever will be. But it's funny because I don't love him. I never will ever again, but a part of me still wants the boy I met that summer, in my life. When I'm feeling really bad about it, I look at my life and I think, "Hah! I'm beautiful, I'm famous and he doesn't have me!"

Then I think, and I don't have him. Writing the book was a bad idea, my publicist suggested it and my agent loved it so I was doing it. Of course I got paid, which is really very funny. Who knew you got paid to write autobiographies these days? Not like I needed the money, my Chester had loved it. He was the one who convinced me to actually do it.

Chester Mason, my best friend. Famous, not for anything in particular except for the fact that when he was four his mother married the CEO of the biggest recording company in the country. He was the queen of socialites, and no I don't mean king.

I stared at the little laptop computer in front of me and glared at it. I had no one to blame, but the laptop, it was what opened up all these feelings I thought I had closed years ago. I hadn't even been able to call him to arrange a meeting over the terms of my book and his involvement in it. My assistant, Caroline had to do it, and I hadn't didn't even go to the meeting. My lawyer told him that I was out of town on a photo shoot.

Who would have thought, that I, Stacey McGill would lose myself in a guy. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I lit a cigarette, inhaled deeply then leant back in my chair. My new house in Sagaponic has two bedrooms and two bathrooms. It was the first thing I bought after I signed my four year contract to Victoria's Secret. I don't get out of bed for less then $60,000. Needless to say, it's already fully paid off. Perfect for writing my novel.

I am also signed to Chanel, Gucci, Versace and Ralph Lauren. Eighteen and worth ten million. It was surreal, every girls dream and I have it. Though every girls dream usually involves falling in love with a handsome prince and living happily ever after. Though I have become a cynic over the years, and living in New York as a woman is a lot different to living in it as a young girl. Needless to say, I gave up any thoughts of falling in love a long time ago. So with these thoughts stewing in my head, I picked up my phone and dialled Chester's number.

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked.

"Darling, I am in love right now!" he exclaimed.

I twirled around in my very expensive leather swivel chair then stood up and walked out to backyard and dipped my foot in the pool, testing the temperature, "How come you never told me about it?"

"Oh! Because it only just happened, last night I met the sexiest man alive, have you heard of Pierce Daily? Well he's going to be hot hot hot! In a few months, everyone will know his name!"

I sighed, "Oh Chester! No!" of course I had heard of Pierce Daily, everyone had, and it wasn't for a good reason. He hosted bad parties full of bad actors and bad wine and was renowned for having white powder around his nose.

"Yes! It's fabulous isn't it?" he cried, then said, "Look sweetie but I must go, I'm not even close to being ready for the Burberry show tonight!"

"Oh, ok, well I love you." I said, disappointed.

"I know honey, I love you too! See you tonight!"

And with that the conversation was over and there was no way to take my mind off my thoughts. I decided that I may as well use these thoughts and put them in my book…

I spent the next week on instant messenger talking to Sean. About a week and a half after I had first met him, I met his girlfriend over messenger. I remember the night before I "met" his girlfriend. I was laying on the floor in Mary-Anne's bedroom.

"I really think I like him." I told her, "Like I know it sounds totally nuts because I hardly know him and he's got a girlfriend, but I really do."

She looked thoughtful which was not uncommon for Mary-Anne. She was the most sensitive person I'd ever known and a hopeless romantic, which is why I chose her to go talk to. I should probably describe her. At the time she had shortish brown hair, brown eyes and a petit frame. Her father used to be very strict with her and she wasn't even allowed to wear her hair in a way that he didn't like, but after a while he loosened up. We all put this down to the fact that he married Mary-Anne's best friend, Dawn's Mum who was very laid back. And no, Mary-Anne's parents weren't divorced, her Mum died shortly after giving birth to Mary-Anne. I often think this is why she's so sensitive, because she has had to deal with so much in her life. I still keep in touch with her. The commute to Stoneybrook from New York is nothing so I drive down there every once in a while to see my Stoneybrook friends. I actually really enjoy the drive. It's about two hours in moderate traffic which means I have two hours to myself to think. Ever since I got my license two years ago, driving has been my favourite past time for when I'm stressed, even in heavy traffic which sends most people absolutely mad, I feel calm and centred.

I did feel a little guilty talking to Mary-Anne about this. She had recently broken up with her long time boyfriend and first love, Logan and it had been very hard on her, especially as she's already so sensitive.

"The heart wants what the heart wants." She said as she got up from the bed and examined her box of nail polish, then picked out a baby pink and came at my toe nails.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that you can have it." I replied indignantly. It had struck me very odd to hear Mary-Anne talking like this. She was beginning to sound almost cynical these days.

"Look, if you like him and he likes you, then what's the problem? And if he really likes you, he'll break up with her." She said, finishing off the last toe on my left foot.

"But I can't ask him to do that!" I had exclaimed, wishing that it wasn't true, "But I will be friends with him, and maybe one day more. But I will not push it."

Mary-Anne shrugged, "Fine, but be prepared for heartbreak, sorrow and weight gain."

I giggled, "Weight gain?"

"Well maybe not for you, because I guess you can't have all those sugary break up foods. Now stop wriggling or I will end up painting your toes as well!"

Speaking to cynical Mary-Anne used to depress me a lot because I was used to her being my light at the end of the tunnel.

"Oh guess what?" Mary-Anne suddenly exclaimed.

"What?"

"No guess!"

"Oh Mary-Anne I can't. I can't think of anything other then Sean." I replied.

"Oh, you're no fun! Well I guess I'll tell you anyway because I'm so excited! Dawn's coming home for the summer!"

Well at least now I had something else to think about.

I gasped, "Really? Why didn't you tell me before? That's great!"

"I know, and she's even considering staying here, permanently. To _live_." She said excitedly.

"Oh my god! That would be so great!"

"I know. I miss her so much when she's in California." She then moved on to my right foot.

"You know, Claudia is into Sean too." She said slowly, as if, it would soften the blow.

"What? Why?" I didn't think Claudia actually liked guys. I know that sounds bad, but somewhere between being my best friend and fighting over a guy, she become common and tarty. Also, she wasn't quite as beautiful as she's always been. Her eating habits and puberty were starting to take a toll on her body. She used to be very slim with perfect skin but by this stage, she'd gained a lot of weight and pimples now dominated her upper back and made guest appearances on her face. Because of this, she had become looser with her morals and did more to get a guys attention. By this I mean, putting out. The guys at school had gone from calling her a freak, because of the way she dressed, to calling her slut because of the way she acted. No SMS guys would go out with her.

"I don't know. I wish you two were like you used to be. I wish we all were like we used to be." Mary-Anne started to tear up.

I took her had, "Mary-Anne, what do you mean?"

"Things are just changing so much, you and Claudia aren't best friends, I'm not with Logan anymore, Dawn's a party animal and I get scared that we'll all split up next year in high school." She was only just stopping herself from sobbing.

"Oh Mary-Anne, I can't speak for the others, but I promise you that you and I will both stay really good friends. Even though I'm sure everything will work out fine and it will be just like when you moved from junior school up to middle school."

She sniffed, "I guess."

"I _know_." I told her.

I stayed the night there, sensing that Mary-Anne probably wasn't up to a night on her own, mulling over all the things we'd already talked about.

We shared her bed which was nice because I don't like to sleep on my own. I never have. I think it stems back to being an only child and feeling alone all the time. Sometimes, when I was younger, Mom used to lie in bed with me until I fell asleep, and then get up and go back to her own bed. When I think about it now, it was probably just as comforting for her because she'd have to spend less time with my father.

Just before we fell asleep I turned to Mary-Anne and said, "I love you."

I knew she would get all emotional, but I had become quite emotional myself in the past months so I didn't mind.

She replied thickly, as though trying to get through the tears, "I love you too Stace."

"G'nite Mary-Anne."

"G'nite Stacey."


	3. Chapter 3

Sean's girlfriend had red hair and green eyes. She was tall and thin and pretty in that plain sort of way but she was nice enough, and although I only saw her a couple of times I always felt guilty about the way things turned out. Afterwards, I used to think how unfair it was that I was the only one feeling all this guilt, even though I didn't do anything wrong. Well, I never intended too and I never would have if I had known the truth of the situation. For three weeks, Sean and I hung out as friends, we talked about everything. Whenever I was around him I longed to touch him. Touch his hair, his hands, his face. I never felt as though I were physically close enough to him, even when I was touching him.

I remember one night we took blankets down to the park and lay in the grass side by side, looking up at the stars. It's always been one of my favourite things to do. You can't see the stars in New York, well not like you can in Stoneybrook and it has always amazed me how bright they look there. It was one of those nights where the moon was big and there were no clouds. It had been a warm day but the temperature had slowly dropped and there was a cool breeze so we lay close together, under a blanket to keep warm. He told me he wanted to break up with his girlfriend. I stayed silent. It's one thing to want something to happen, but it's a completely different thing to contribute to the demise of someone's relationship.

"I don't want to be with her anymore." He told me.

"How come?" I asked, genuinely interested.

"I'm not interested in her anymore."

"Oh."

"I'm interested in somebody else." He said.

My heart began to beat faster.

"But I don't know if they like me." He continued on.

"They probably do. How could she not?"

He rolled onto his side and looked at me. I expected him to begin talking again but he didn't. He just stared.

His eyes were so intense, so deep. Now the thing that always got me about Sean was the affect he had on me. I'd been with a lot of guys, even though I was only fourteen and I had been in luv more then once but this was different. Whenever I had liked someone, I would get that feeling in my stomach where you feel like you have butterflies fluttering around. But with Sean I'd get that and a sense of total and complete calm. Like nothing could ever go wrong, but even if it did it wouldn't matter.

I shivered as goose bumps took over my skin.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

"Just a little." I replied.

He put his arm around my neck and pulled him to me so my head was leaning on his chest. I wrapped my arm around his waist and snuggled into him. I don't think I'd ever felt that safe in my entire life, and I certainly haven't since then.

He stoked my hair and sang to me. I can't remember what he sang but I don't think I would have heard it then either because all I remember was being mesmerized by the sound of his voice. Our hands naturally entwined as we ran them together. I'd never been with a boy as sensitive to my feelings as Sean. Every guy I had been with was there for one reason. I know if I had to tried to spend the night with one of them, they would have tried to get something out of me. We didn't do anything that night, I knew that I didn't need to, but even if I had wanted too, I wouldn't have. No matter how much I liked him, he had a girlfriend.

The last thing I remember from that night was him kissing me on the forehead. After that I fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up the next morning just as the sun was beginning to come up, still in his arms. Sean was still asleep so I ran my hands over his chest and stomach to wake him up.

"Hey." I said to him, whilst covering my face, as his eyes began to open.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" I replied from behind my hands.

"Why are you covering your face like that?"

I felt my face going red. "I don't want you to see my morning face."

He laughed, "Morning face? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well when I first wake up, I don't look as good as when I go to sleep." I told him.

He started to laugh loudly then rolled me onto my back so he was half on top of me and started tickling me.

"Morning face? Silly girl! Did you make that up?" He asked as I writhed around crying with laughter.

"No…" I stared but had to gasp for breath, "It's… haha… what you… look li –haha- ike… in the… morning.

He stopped tickling me and looked over me with a dopey smile on his face.

"You're so sweet. You look just as beautiful now as you did last night."

I stayed quiet, no one had called me that before, it was always, "You're sexy" or "You're hot". We just looked at each other for a few moments then his face started coming closer to mine. I wanted to kiss him so badly but I kept imagining his girlfriend and how I would feel if I were her.

I grabbed his wrist and looked at his watch, "Oh my God, is that the time?"

He let out a deep breath and rolled over onto his back.

"Mum's going to kill me." I exclaimed as I grudgingly un wrapped my self from him and gathered up my stuff. I hadn't meant to spend the night out there. I had told Mum I would be home by eleven.

"Don't go." He pleaded.

"I have to, I was meant to be home seven hours ago." I said.

He nodded, "Alright, but I'll walk you home."

I frowned, "That probably wouldn't be the best idea, the last thing Mom needs to know is that I was out all night with a boy."

He stood up and took my hand and pulled me to my feet.

"I'll see you later then I guess." He said.

I nodded. We were standing opposite each other and I knew he wanted to kiss me.

I backed away, "Later." Then walked towards my house.

A part of me was even more in love with him but another part was angry with him. How dare he act like that when he had a girlfriend? And even worse, how dare he make me feel that way? When I got to the house I went around the back and tried to open the door as quietly as I could. As I was passing through the kitchen Mom appeared.

"Oh morning honey, you're up early." She said.

I sighed out of relief, she must have gone to bed early and not realised that I had never come home.

I smiled as I remembered being in Sean's arms, "Yeah I slept really well."

"Wasn't that what you were wearing yesterday?" she asked and indicated to my outfit.

"Uh, yeah it is. I just pulled it on this morning to come down to have breakfast. I'm starving." I said.

She laughed, "I should have known. You of all people wearing the same out fit twice in a row is as likely as the sky falling. How about you go have a shower and I'll make some pancakes?" Mom said

"Sure, I'll be down in ten minutes." I said as I trudged up to the shower.

My clothes were slightly damp and grassy from sleeping outside so it felt good to get out of them. I turned the shower nozzle on full blast and stood under it, willing to wash away all of my frustration towards him.


End file.
